rough

i will not allow my body to suffer any longer.

a manhandled baby girl, barely three when he touched me.
a mind ravaged by watching my mother fall under the beatings dealt by
every man we ever lived with.
a volatile teen trying to make the scene
too fat to have the boyfriend i really wanted,
starved into roller rink fainting fits
puking into bar toilets, fake id falling on tile
struggling among sadists, and rapists, and the evil faces of highschool girls.
pregnant at 16 and miscarrying at 17 and the boy who made it happen lied about loving me.
suicide attempt,
promiscuity,
veneral disease and the doctor's distaste as he wrote the rx.
i went to bed drunk with an ex, and he turned my beautiful 19 year old breasts black and blue
my first abortion - the nurses looked at me like the highschool girls did,
the doctor took money from me to keep it off my medical record.
i took morphine and speed
acid, and mushrooms.
i drank til i threw up, night after night, and laid silent under men
while they lied about loving me.
i gave up the ghost to my husband and he fought my demons with me.
at once, my ravaged flesh was kissed, my torn-up mind soothed
my body rehabilitated, smoothed over, and made fertile
growing children in my womb and out they came
my breasts astounded me
making milk
and babies grew to sturdy children.
now i dress this body as well as i can, and keep it clean
now i feed it what it asks for,
i watch it grow softer and lower
i see small lines appear
around my eyes and mouth.
soon my hair will be grey
and i will be untouchable,
and you would never know how ravished this old body has been
by time, and this and that
by him and her
by them and you,
by me.
i'll live untouched and grateful for it.