i wanted to take a moment to tell you about the bizarre celebrity dreams i've had the last two nights. this morning after i got up to check on the slumber party i fell back to sleep around 4am and dreamt that i was hanging out with paris and nicky hilton. it happened quite accidentally and they were both just as awful as i imagined them to be. i left in a huff after only a short while but their parents tried to stop me outside whatever the venue was (combo restaurant/dance club, i guess?). they said they were sorry i got the brunt of their daughters' bad moods and wanted to invite me to their home so i could see that they were actually a normal, nice family. i shrugged and said sure and they drove me in a fancy SUV to their mansion. they led me up several very opulant staircases to an attic-type room where there were several personal computers. then the senior hiltons shocked the hell out of me by settling into beanbag chairs and lighting up a couple of joints. we sat around smoking and i remember saying, 'so, why do you think your kids turned out so shitty? you two seem like fairly cool parents, so i don't get it."

then, two nights ago, i dreamed that i wrote an award-winning play about being queer and homeless. people were starting to recognize me in the street and a movie executive contacted me saying they wanted me to adopt the play for the silver screen and they wanted jim carrey to play the lead. they sent him to come stay in vancouver and research the role by visiting the downtown east side and i was assigned to be his tour guide. this part of the dream seemed to go on and on - we were driving around in his fancy car (yeah, i know - doensn't sound like a very good way to research being destitute on the streets of vancouver, does it?), he was buying me dinner, we were getting to know each other, and finally he told me he was now in love with me and he wanted to know if i would consider being his "one and only special girl". i said that i didn't think that was possible at all, but inwardly i was totally flattered and crushing out on him. he then started doing TERRIBLE things while we were out together, in a petulant rage. he was throwing cups of hot coffee at street people and shouting down the tourists and just generally being a complete asshole. i was trying to figure a way to give him what-for without jeopardizing my lucrative movie contract but screwed up and screamed at him using no tact whatsoever to let me out of his "pig-mobile" and then i cried the whole way home on the skytrain knowing that i wasn't going to be able to make us rich enough to save misha from his soul-sucking life as a bus driver after all.