last night it was this:

standing on a beach with leon. it is sand, but there are some huge, barnacle-covered rocks blocking our view of the actual sea, in front of us. leon tells me that he has done something to himself to change himself fundamentally and that he wants me to undergo the same change, so i should trust him, because it will be for the best for all of us. i am willing but nervous. he tells me the first step in achieving said change is to run to the sea. we hold hands and walk around the boulders in our way. i am telling him that i cannot run, not really, because of my knee. he isn't listening, his eyes are eager and focused ahead. i look at what he's looking at and see the tide is out so far, the sand is actually stretching to the horizon. the sky is blazing blue, it is incredibly hot and it looks like a desert wasteland. i tell him, pleadingly, there is no way i can run that far, it is literally miles to the sea from here. he laughs and grips my hand tight and starts to run, dragging me a long beside him. i am stumbling, kicking up clouds of sand, and begging him to slow down, that i can't keep up, that my knee will burst! but he ignores me and ignores me and ignores me and soon i am chugging along beside him as best i can, being half-dragged. he keeps going faster and faster. i suddenly notice he is wearing a long black trenchcoat and boots, and i feel like his from "the matrix" or maybe his a vampire like spike, from buffy the vampire slayer. suddenly i can feel the magic in him. i feel my legs grow lighter and looser and they begin to move in time to his. and then, i ecstatically realize that as we run we are rising off the ground, and the going faster and faster, and higher and higher. and soon we are maybe six feet in the air, and no longer making running motions with our legs, just soaring, soaring so fast, the sandy earth below us is rushing past. i feel terrified and exhilerated. leon lets go of my hand and then i am out over the immense blue/grey sea, and all i can see is water, water, water, and sky, and i'm flying faster and lower than i've ever flown in a dream before. endlessly.


then, this morning:

we are living in a tiny, run-down house in vancouver proper. it is night time. everything in the house is untreated wood. plywood, lumber. nothing is finished. no carpets, no drywall. it has been like this for years and things are looking worse for wear. i complain and leon says that as long as the house remains "unfinished" we don't have to pay taxes on it. but i am getting tired of every drop of food staining the plywood, ever spill of water warping the walls. i get frustrated and take liam out on a walk to a local park where there is some kind of free entertainment. laurel is already asleep so i leave her behind. liam and i have fun at the park. there are firedancers and we watch them intently. it is somewhere downtown, maybe pigeon park? only there is grass, we are sitting on a grassy hill.

suddenly people are screaming and pointing at the sky. i look up to see it too, a huge, hurtling, satellite falling towards the downtown core. it has USA flags painted on it - stars, stripes, blue, red, white all brilliant even in the darkness. it is coming down so fast there is no time to run away. i get up and try to carry liam as far from the point of impact as i can, which isn't far, because the satellite hits the ground only a second later, only a block or two away, behind a couple of office buildings. everyone is screaming, the impact and noise is immense, i can hear glass shattering, buildings roaring as they rain down around our ears, everything is deafening. i push liam to the grass and lay my body over his and realize i'm screaming, too. it goes on for what feels like forever. liam is totally still beneath my body, frozen in terror. screams, screams, crashings, explosions. and then i feel it, against my back, the wave of heat from the explosion. inside i'm terrified, it gets so intensely hot so fast, i think that we might just vaporize, and there's no way to run from that. i wrap my body around liam even harder, and try to roll away from the heat as best i can, shielding him the entire time, but i can feel my clothes melting into my skin, i can feel my skin going tight. this is it, armeggedon, the end of the world, i am going to die and there's no way to save my child.

but i am wrong. soon the screaming tapers off. i hear people calling out to each other, and crying, but no more terror noises. liam is shaken, pallid, white, but unharmed. my whole back is hot still, and i'm sure i have serious burns. i try to get up, to carry him, but can't. we hold hands and begin the slow walk back to our little unfinished shack to check on leon and laurel. when we get there, [info]angelstrange is there with her kids. they are all sitting in the dark livingroom, watching t.v., the light flickering and wavering over their rapt faces. already the footage is there for the seeing. newscasters are raving. leon looks up as i come in, and tells me he knows how to heal me. we have to go to the westernmost seashore. i should pack to leave in the morning, and [info]angelstrange offers to mind the children while we are away. i nod, tuck my son into bed, and wonder what it is at the shore that will soothe all my burns and trauma.