i dreamed that i was walking through stanley park on a beautiful sunny day with my mom, and there was some kind of comedy festival going on. and all the men i had a crushes on when i was the ages of 12 - 18, like dan aykroyd, and robin williams, and steve martin, and william hurt, and jeff goldblum, were there, meeting and greeting their fans. i waited and waited and actually got to talk to dan aykroyd, and he was wonderful. he hugged me and held my hand and was charming and sweet and funny and encouraged me to talk to him and we had a great conversation that lasted a long time. and i came away from that feeling so good. then we met robin williams, and he was exactly the same! he actually hugged me and then held on to me. in a very loving and sweet and safe embrace. and he kissed the top of my head and we talked for what felt like hours while he waved away other fans and engaged my mom nicely and we were so star-struck and i felt so comfortable. i didn't want to leave, and both robin and dan agreed to come back to my house after the festival was over to hang out with us all. i felt so pleased and excited.

then we went for lunch and four out of five of my uncles were there. and they were just like the celebrities. they held me and kissed my head and talked with me and loved on me and lavished me with love and attention. like i was the most important girl in the world. like they cherished me more than anything. we had a pleasant lunch and i was sad when it was over and we all had to hug goodbye, but they, too, promised to come to my house later, to sit around and...well...i don't know. admire and love me more, i guess.

then i had to split up from my mom for some reason and i ended up at this other place, a kind of hotel, i guess. and my stepdad was there. and i got a bad feeling in my stomach. he had just come back from a trip to japan and had brought me souveniers that he wanted to give me. we sat at this table in a reception area, a lone table, and he was showing me videos and trinkets. i remember there was one really weird video of japanese people running around tokyo and singing about how much they loved "soya cream! soya cream!" and my stepdad thought i'd like it since it was about soy and not dairy. he was trying really hard to be nice to me, to win me over. over his shoulder i saw two blonde young women approaching us, they were wearing aprons and uniforms, so i knew they were employees of the hotel or restaurant, whatever we were sitting in. one of them was carrying a cream pie. yeah, the kind that gets used in all those movie pie fights. i could see they were planning to pie me! however at the last moment i dodged and they pied my stepfather instead, who laughed and laughed, and i realized that he had been planning this pie fight all along...that he had thought it would be fun and that i would enjoy it. instead i felt creeped out and really not like i wanted to be in a pie fight with my stepdad and two young blonde hotties. i managed to pick up the pie plate with the remnants of the pie in it and toss it, violently, at the waitress who had brought it over initially. i then got up and ran. i knew, without looking behind me, that my stepdad had another pie to through and that he was coming after me. i tried yelling at him to stop, that it wasn't fun, and i didn't want to participate, but he just laughed and laughed. i came to a set of stairs that i had to run down and even though i went as quickly as i could, it still wasn't fast enough. my stepdad took the stairs three at a time, laughing the whole way, pie in hand, and he caught me right at the bottom, and smashed the pie into the back of my head. and all i could think was how upset i would be to go home to all my loving uncles and all the loving, funny, comforting male celebrities that would be there, covered in foam and crying, because my stepdad wouldn't leave me alone.