i had this awful dream that i was staying in an unfamilliar house with my two kids, and it was late at night and we'd just got in from some function or another, and i was sitting at the kitchen table telling the kids what they needed to do to get ready for bed, when through the frosted glass of the door's window i saw a very large man's sillhouette appear. i wasn't expecting anyone and so i panicked when he started to jiggle the door handle. within a few seconds he had the lock popped and was coming towards me. i realized that i couldn't freak out or the kids would freak out so i just stood up really quickly and and said, "hi there handsome," and he grabbed me by the upper-arms and i was thinking, i should act like he's by boyfriend and get him to take me into the bedroom so the kids won't see me being raped, and he was saying nothing, just trying to wrestle me down to the ground and the kids were standing there staring at us and then something in me snapped. i became unfrozen and jerked my arms out of his grasp. i made my hands into fists and started clubbing him in the face as hard as i could. i yelled at the kids, "run, run to the neighbours, run! tell them mommy's in trouble, just go!" and they ran out the door as the man started to try to hit me back. i grabbed one of his wrists and let his other hand hit me in the face. even though it hurt and i felt temporarily blinded i managed to wrangle his arm behind his back and he bent over and shouted in pain. i was behind him now and forced my knee up hard into his kidney. this made him collapse down onto his knees and i fell with him and pinned him under me. any time he tried to move or wriggle i forced his arm up into his back further and he'd shriek in pain. and i just remember saying, "you fucking idiot. did you really think i'd let you rape me twice? did you really think i'd let you do that in front of my kids?" and he was crying incoherently.

someone please stand up, shine a light on y'self, out here in this fog
someone please stand up, and show me the way, show me the way to you.
i read in a book that you were going to come out to find me
i read in a book that i was going to be saved
and i'm ready, i wanna know if you know that i'm ready

if you think i don't have mixed emotions, well, you're wrong
i lived down here, in muck and tree roots, since well before you were born
but i see you out there, out there in the fog, in the dark
swinging a torch, and calling
call me out now
call me out now
i don't wanna be lost no more.

someone please stand up, shine that torch in the sky, illuminate this dark
someone please stand up, hold your hand out to me, pull me up, pull me up
i had a dream that someone was crying thinly, out in the night
i had a dream that i had to go find her
and was i shocked, was i ever, when i found she was crying for me

i told you once that i was okay, oh why, why did you believe me
i knew my place was here with you, long before i gave up hope and pleasure
i hang back and watch you climbing trees out there in the sun, in leaves
swinging your hammock strings, and humming
hum a bit louder now
hum a bit louder now
i don't wanna be quiet no more.

i always wanted to jump INTO, not OUT OF, a giant cake

a long time ago, do you remember?
i was your best birthday present.
colourfully wrapped in apprehension,
topped with a big bow knotted from desire.
did that really happen?
it seems so far away now.
i never knew if what you said was true.
i wish i could ask you now
what you'd like for your next birthday.
is it still me?