free hugs

in my dream, i was giving out free hugs in front of my farmer market stall. i was holding the big sign, and people were coming in droves to try bites of cookies and hug me.

then you appeared and my heart skipped a beat, as it always does, awake or asleep. you stood in the line for hugs and free samples and when it was your turn you refused the free sample and just put your arms around me. i smelled you, felt your warmth, buried my face in your neck, felt your hairline against my forehead. you hugged me until the person in line behind you tapped you on the shoulder and reminded you others were waiting. you moved, almost kissing me but not, and i hugged the next person. and the next, and the next. some would take the free sample of cookies first, some waited until after, and no one was buying. but everyone was walking away happy. after i hugged a little old lady i thought was my gramma, you were there in front of me again, having stood in line for a long time for your second chance. again, i fell into your embrace, longing so much for more than this, knowing that once free hugs were over, that would be it, we were finished until the next time circumstances allowed us our moments together. your hands moved slowly up and down my back, fingers dipping into my hair, a finger sliding along my ear. i felt your chest move up and down with your breathing, and the warm cotton of your t-shirt was soft against my cheek.

the person in line behind you coughed politely, and you reluctantly let go. i offered you another sample, and you refused, again. i was blushing and we waved goodbye. the line-up was longer this time and i felt moved by the numbers of people coming in just for hugs from me. i did not feel tired or put-upon, every contact made was energizing and beautiful. sometimes people would hug me almost absentmindedly even though they'd stood in line for several minutes just to do it. they'd be chewing their sample of vegan cookie or talking distractedly to their friends. i got one-arm hugs, and loosey-goosey hugs. i got a very tight hug from a small woman who was crying and i patted her hair and said, "there, there." and as she walked away smiling through her tears, there you were again, standing in line, waiting for me, again.

this time i laughed out loud and didn't blush. we went through the motions. i tried to offer you a free sample, you refused, saying you were only here for the hug. i put my arms out, palms up, inviting you in, and you came forward. at the first moment of torso contact i felt something give in my chest and i started to cry. then it was you patting my hair, while i watched fat drops fall from my cheeks onto your t-shirt shoulder and make dark spots. your mouth moved to my ear and said, "you might love me, you know."

my whole body tensed up with the words, and then i relaxed again, and replied, "i know i might."