i dreamed i was in a beautiful black and grey marble bathroom. it was huge, the size of my bedroom or bigger. the lights were dim, and the giant tub was a jaccuzzi and burbling and sizzling and candles were burning and it smelled like rich dark scented oils and i was in nothing but my panties, preparing to get in the bath. it was summer's night, the window was open, dark green curtains blowing in a gentle breeze, and i had had a few snorts of brandy, with another perched on the solid edge of the tub, waiting for me. i was perfectly alone.

then the curtain blew a little harder and noise came in, the noise of a public swimming pool packed with teenagers. i tried to ignore it (as if it were an inconsequential fly buzzing around me) and move into the bath, my back to the window, my big ass barely covered by my underwear, and then i heard the unrelenting and evil braying laughter of teenaged boys. i still tried to ignore it but i realized i did not, at that point, feel comfortable taking my underwear off anymore. i started to climb in the tub with it still on, and the laughter got louder and more insistant and meanspirited but i tried to tell myself it wasn't directed at me, it wasn't directed at me, it wasn't directed at me. but then i was in the tub, and sank into the water that was only a moment ago so inviting but now felt like nothing but a way to hide, and turned to the window, and the boys were there looking in, wearing their cute little surfer shorts over their chiseled and tan bodies, pointing at me in my lumpy mostly-nakedness, laughing in derision and disgust.

and i put my face up to the dark marble ceiling and howled in pain and sadness. it woke leon up.