my dream woke me up. that happens a lot. a sweet south african boy, with pale glass-blue hair approached my cousin and i as we rode on a train through europe together. he was beautiful in every sense, his features high and clear, his voice rippled with an odd accent and exotic words. he sat next to me, put his hands on my hands, talked to me quietly, told me lovely things. i was aware of how much younger he was, than either myself or my cousin, but i didn't care. i was ready to do his bidding.

the train lurched to a stop, and i rose out of my seat and floated down the aisle to try and find the conductor to see what the problem was. i was expected, urgently, in austria. i don't know why. as i moved down the aisles past the private rooms, through the busy dining room, strange images floated through my field of vision that i knew weren't actually there riding on the dream train with me, but were, instead, a part of my dreaming imagination. a chimpanzee in a red coat with golden tassles and a matching shriner's hat. three women dressed as i imagined the muses of greek myth would be dressed, wearing long white robes and bare alabaster shoulders, feeding each other fruits, combing tresses, and laughing at me as i moved through them. a man with a handlebar moustache and thick round spectacles shouting at me from a doorway into a saloon. rain pelting down against a copper roof, as i stared out through a narrow, second-floor window into the night over the streets of paris, expecting someone, but seeing that the candle was burning low enough that i knew i should give up, and just go to sleep.

the train started moving again before i found a conductor to talk to, so i turned around to try and get back to my beautiful blue-haired boy. i was giddy. as i stepped into our car, however, my heart broke. he was sitting in my seat, head tilted back, eyes closed, and mouth a dark slit, as my cousin was straddled over him, riding him, both of them silent and concentrating. i pulled at the string of crystal beads i was wearing around my neck, snapped it off, sending beads flying around the car, and hurled what remained of the necklace at them in a jealous rage. they paused in their fornication, looked at me, smiling. i wanted to scream. i woke up instead.